When You Feel Behind in Your 40’s: How Core Values Help You Reground and Move Forward
“I feel so behind.”
I hear this phrase all the time from women in their 40s. Maybe their career hasn’t unfolded the way they pictured. Maybe they never married or got divorced and feel isolated because their friends can no longer relate. Maybe life just doesn’t look like the highlight reel they once expected.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. It’s a quiet thought that creeps in, usually late at night or in those in-between moments, when you look around and wonder if everyone else is further ahead.
Reframe: You’re Not Behind, You’re at a Crossroads
Here’s the truth: you’re not behind. There isn’t one track that everyone is supposed to follow, or a perfect timeline you’re failing to meet. Life is not a race—it’s a series of choices, seasons, and pivots.
That “behind” feeling is often a signal that something inside you is ready to shift. It’s less about failure and more about a whisper that says: It’s time for a new direction.
This is where clarity becomes essential—clarity about who you are right now, and what truly matters most to you in this season of life.
Why Values Matter When You’re Stuck
When the external markers of success—job titles, marriages, milestones—don’t line up with what you thought they’d be, it’s easy to feel lost. But those external markers don’t define your worth or your path forward. Your values do.
Your values are already inside of you. They’re the anchors that:
Shape your priorities
Guide your daily choices
Motivate your behavior
And serve as the measure for whether your life feels aligned
When you know your values, you shift from reacting to life to directing it. They become the foundation for making decisions with clarity, moving forward with confidence, and building a life that feels authentic and fulfilling—regardless of where you thought you “should” be by now.
Practical Tool: The Core Values Activity
So, how do you move from that nagging sense of being “behind” to feeling grounded and confident about your next steps? You start with your values.
That’s why I created the Core Values Activity—a simple but powerful exercise that helps you identify what matters most to you right now. Because here’s the thing: your values are already shaping your choices, even if you haven’t put them into words yet. When you name them, they stop being vague feelings in the background and become a clear compass you can actually use.
This activity walks you through:
Reflecting on past moments of joy and fulfillment to spot what lights you up.
Choosing the value words that feel most like “home” to you.
Refining and prioritizing your values so you can see what’s essential in this season of life.
Creating a personal values table that shows not only where you’re already honoring your values, but also where you want to lean into them more.
It’s a practical, hands-on way to shift your focus from what you don’t have to what truly matters. And when you start making decisions through that lens, the feeling of being “behind” begins to fade—because you’re no longer chasing someone else’s timeline. You’re building a life that’s aligned with you.
Core Values Helped Me
Shortly after my 40th birthday, I found myself facing several tough decisions. The possibilities felt endless, and I was terrified of choosing wrong. I’d make lists, run scenarios in my head, and then circle back to the same stuck place. To make things harder, I had a lifelong habit of people-pleasing. I worried that whatever I decided might not be what I truly wanted but what others expected of me. I felt paralyzed.
At the time, I was working with a life coach who suggested I try a core values activity. The idea was simple: if I could clarify my values, I could measure each option against what mattered most to me. Over the course of a week, I reflected and worked through the steps.
But it wasn’t until I got to Step 5—the Values Table—that everything finally clicked. That step required me to take my list of values and dig deeper: Why was each value important to me? How was I living it now? And most importantly, how did I want to honor it more?
Unpacking those questions turned into a roadmap. Suddenly, the decisions in front of me weren’t about guessing or pleasing others—they were about alignment. Once I looked at my options through the lens of my values, I knew which path was right for me. And with that clarity, the fear and paralysis started to fade.
That experience taught me something I’ve never forgotten: when you’re stuck, your values aren’t just words on a page—they’re your compass. They point you toward the life that fits you, not the one you think you’re supposed to be living.
How to Use the Core Values Activity
If you’re feeling stuck, unsure, or like you’re somehow “behind,” I invite you to pause and walk through the Core Values Activity. (the link to get it is below) It’s a simple but powerful reset that helps you reconnect with who you are and what matters most right now.
Here’s how to begin:
Set aside quiet time. Give yourself 30–45 minutes without distractions. This is you-time, not another task on your to-do list.
Reflect on meaningful moments. Think about times in your life when you felt most alive, proud, or content. These moments often reveal what you value most deeply.
Choose the words that feel like “home.” Don’t overthink—just notice which value words create a strong emotional pull.
Group and prioritize. Combine overlapping ideas and notice which 4–6 values guide you most right now.
Create your values table. Ask yourself: Why is this value important to me? How am I living it now? Where do I want to honor it more?
This step turns reflection into action. You’ll walk away with more than a list—you’ll have a personalized map to guide your decisions and next steps.
When life feels uncertain, this process helps you make choices rooted in clarity and confidence instead of fear or comparison.
Take Your Values from Awareness to Action
Identifying your values is a powerful first step—but the real transformation happens when you start living them. That’s where coaching comes in.
Through my Midlife Design Coaching Program, we’ll take your values off the page and into your daily life. Together, we’ll create a roadmap for decisions, boundaries, and goals that align with who you are today—not who you used to be, and not who you think you “should” be.
If you’re ready to stop feeling behind and start designing a life that feels fulfilling, authentic, and aligned and then schedule a free discovery call with me.
Your values are already guiding you. Let’s make sure they lead you exactly where you want to go.