Midlife Isn’t a Crisis—It’s a Clarity Accelerat
How to Let Go of Resentment Without Losing Yourself in the Process
You didn’t plan on feeling this way. But here you are…midlife, overwhelmed, and quietly simmering with resentment.
You’ve checked all the boxes: family, work, doing everything for everyone. So why does it feel like you’re still waiting for someone to notice... you?
Let’s talk about resentment…the junk drawer of your emotional life, filled with stuff you don’t want to deal with but can’t seem to throw away.
Pulling the Curtain Back
I am a life coach for women 40+ and at the end of a coaching session, I sometimes pull a card from The Soul’s Journey deck. It’s like a spiritual check-in but less doom, more reflection.
Last week, I pulled one for myself. The card?
Denial.
Cue the irony: “Pfft, this clearly isn’t for me.”
Then I read the fine print: “I acknowledge my fear, but I replace it with the insight of awareness.”
Touché, universe.
The guidebook went further: “Buried fear and resentment do not die; they merely fester and cause dis-ease.”
Well, okay then.
And just like that, I was face-to-face with something I know many women are carrying: Resentment that simmers under the surface, until it explodes into tears, sarcasm, or a suspicious amount of sighing.
What Even Is Resentment?
Resentment is what happens when we say yes while screaming no in our heads. It’s born from:
Unspoken expectations
Emotional overload
Years of making dinner and doing all the things with zero acknowledgment.
It starts in silence. But it loses its grip when we do the brave thing: name it, own it, and take our power back.
My Resentment Was Dressed as a Goal
For years, I had a vision: Travel the world. Teach. Make an impact. Then came love, marriage, and kids, a beautiful life, just... not the one I imagined. I thought my husband would eventually want the same adventure.
Spoiler: he didn’t.
So, like many women do, I shoved that dream in a metaphorical closet. But you know what happens to ignored dreams? They rattle. They haunt. And eventually, they piss you off.
Every unwashed dish in the sink became a symbol of what I gave up. I wasn’t just mad at him, I was mad at myself for disappearing inside a life I didn’t fully choose.
Then something shifted. I read a line from Mark Nepos’s, The Book of Awekening that cracked me open:
“Dreams are like candles to help us through the dark. Once used they have to melt.”
That dream served me. It shaped me. But it was time to let go and design something new, something that actually fit me now.
How to Let Go of Resentment (Without Setting Anything on Fire)
If resentment has been your long-term companion, here’s how to start moving forward:
Get Honest About What’s Really Going On
Ask yourself:
Who or what am I resentful toward?
What expectation wasn’t met?
Did I actually say what I needed or did I hope someone would just know? (Spoiler: they didn’t. People are terrible mind readers.)
Say the Quiet Part Out Loud
Resentment thrives in silence. Start expressing it:
Journal your feelings, unfiltered.
Talk to someone safe.
Move your body, walk, punch a pillow, dance it out. Seriously. It helps.
Redefine What You’re No Longer Willing to Tolerate
Every time you say yes to something that drains you, you feed the resentment beast. Try saying:
“I can’t take that on right now.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I need help with this.”
Stop Waiting for Apologies That May Never Come
If you're waiting for someone to say sorry, change, or finally get it, you might wait forever. Peace comes when you stop needing their validation to move on. Letting go doesn’t mean what happened was okay. It means you are choosing peace over poison.
Accept Reality So You can Change Your Response
Life didn’t go exactly as planned. That sucks. But holding onto what should have been won’t bring joy—it just feeds the fire. Try this reframe: Instead of “They never appreciate me,” try “I choose to invest in relationships where I feel valued.” Focus on what you can control: your choices, boundaries, and energy.
Put Yourself Back in the Center of Your Life
Resentment grows in the absence of self-care. Start doing things just for you:
Pick up that hobby you abandoned.
Plan a solo day.
Read the book, take the nap, say no without guilt.
Forgive Yourself First
Forgiveness isn’t letting anyone off the hook—it’s unhooking yourself.
Forgive:
The version of you that stayed silent
The one who didn’t know better
The one who carried too much for too long
Final Thoughts
Healing resentment isn’t about changing everyone else. It’s about coming back to yourself, your truth, your voice, your needs. You just need to stop dimming your light for it.
Midlife isn’t a crisis. It’s the moment you finally see clearly, and choose to design something new.