The Closet
For several years after our marriage I lived with the belief that my husband wanted the same things; he just didn’t realize it yet. I was wrong of course, but I believed this so much that I even started my graduate work in International Teaching thinking that once I was done we would move abroad.
Then our first son was born. I was 29.
At this point, there was a huge disconnect between my husband and I, but I never recognized it. I had no idea that what he wanted was different. I didn’t notice that he was on his own journey. He didn’t want to travel. He wanted consistency. He wanted roots. He wanted to raise a family and be an amazing dad. At some point, and I don’t know when, he told me he didn’t share my dreams. He didn’t want to live outside of the States and he made his ultimatum clear. By this time we had our second son. I was 30 years old.
In response, I switched my graduate work to Multilingual Multicultural education and finished with a Master’s in Curriculum and Instruction. I put my dreams in a closet, and swiftly shut the door.
Wake Up Call
I’ve always prided myself in being content in any situation and I was. My dreams were locked away though once in a while I would crack open the door and wonder what life would be like. I would experience resentment, loss, and a lingering thread of hope. Then I would shut the door and proceed with life. I loved being a mom and wife and was content as a classroom teacher and raising the boys.
Eventually, all my unresolved emotions came to the surface. I started acting out in small ways and eventually I made decisions that would almost ruin my marriage. My resentment, anger, unfulfilled dreams, and closeted emotions forged a powerful wake up call for me.
New Trajectory
Over the next few years I had to get really honest with myself. Like legit...deep soul searching and spiritual awakening kind of stuff. I spent hours reading, getting quiet, and even hired a therapist to help me overcome my feelings of loss and guilt. Eventually I came out the other side a different woman. I was resolved in my new goals, committed to my husband and our family, and most importantly I didn’t play the victim anymore. I was a woman fully in control of my life’s decisions.
It was a new beginning for me.
In 2017 I enrolled in Raleigh Coaching Academy and received my training to be an Authentic Life and Leadership Coach. Three months after completing my training I opened Woods Life Coaching with the intention of helping women experience a transformation & overcome the same midlife misery I had lived.
My Dream
Just over a year ago I had a HUGE epiphany. So big that it allowed me to FINALLY let go of my dream to live internationally and see it for what it was. I was reading the Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo and the December 1st devotion titled “Candles and Cocoons.” It said, “Dreams are like candles to help us through the dark. Once used, they have to melt.”
