How to Find Meaning to Life?
How Do We Find the Meaning to Life?
Finding the answer to this question feels like a huge and overwhelming quest. It feels problematic too because there’s not just one answer. How could there be? The meaning to life is individualized & based on our own lived experiences. So how do we find it? Not to add more confusion, but as a woman, especially in her midlife, how does the feeling of meaning apply? These are the questions I want to explore and in doing so, I want to share how I lost and found my own meaning to life.
Definition
Let’s start by defining the word “meaning” so we’re all on the same page. What does meaning mean? Google says it’s a “sense of significance.” Wikipedia ….(Hold your horses, I am an educator. I know Wikipedia isn't a reliable source, but hang with me.) Wikipedia says, “It’s the worth of the human experience. The purpose for our existence?” Well, in no way do I want to get existential here so let's veer toward our first definition. Meaning is “a sense of significance.”
When Did I Lose My Meaning to Life?
Looking back I can see exactly where I lost my meaning for life.
Growing up I was goal driven. As long as I felt my actions and choices were getting me closer to my goals I had a sense of purpose and my life had meaning. I spent my life up to my 30’s chasing these dreams. Then, my life shifted. All of a sudden I was on a different trajectory and my actions and choices were no longer aligned to my dreams. The moment I realized it I panicked. It left me feeling frustration and eventually resentment. Life was taking me in a different direction. Now I had kids to take care of (whom I love), my husband didn’t share my goals, and I had to shift into a different career. All of these changes left me unfocused and lost. I had completely lost my meaning. (read more of my story)
I would guess that for most of us we begin our 20’s and maybe 30’s the same way. We have career goals, adventures to take, and partners to find. Sometime after our conquests life shifts and the focus falls on someone other than ourselves. For us moms that’s our kids. We are completely consumed with their needs and a new feeling of meaning kicks in. That is until they become independent and we start to wonder “what am I gonna do now?” Questions about meaning and purpose start to creep into our thoughts. When we find ourselves in this midlife slump how do we find our meaning again?
Finding Our Meaning Again
Can you relate? If you do, I call this slump Midlife Misery. It’s a state of unhappiness from being trapped in a life that no longer feels fulfilling.
In my case when I was stuck in Midlife Misery. My resentment, frustration, and anger overwhelmed me to the point that I made decisions that almost ruined my marriage. Thankfully, it became an opportunity for some midlife design.
Midlife Design
Midlife Design is the process of deciding what you want so that you can make choices on how to get there.
I had to go through this process myself. The first step I had to take was getting clear on what I wanted. I spent hours reading, getting quiet, and even hired a therapist to help me overcome my feelings of loss and guilt. Eventually I came out the other side a different woman. I was resolved in my new goals and committed to my husband and our family. I was a woman fully in control of my life’s decisions. I had rediscovered my meaning.
Midlife Design requires us to define what fulfillment means in all aspects of our lives. It applies to family, finances, career, and relationships. Once you know this, that new understanding of fulfillment becomes your north star. Once you have a north star you can begin to make choices and take actions that help you achieve that feeling of fulfillment. This process brings new meaning because the focus is back on you, what you want, and who you want to be.
Ya’ll this is exciting shit!!
For the first time since your 20’s you can have a new focus.
You can have new dreams to chase!
It’s ok too if you’re starting from scratch. Beauty is in the process. I often tell my client’s “It’s not about the product. It's about the process.” Once you make that commitment to yourself and become committed to the process you’ll find your meaning again.
Are you intrigued and want to know more about Midlife Design? If so, I want to share something with you. It’s my FREE Midlife Design Mini Guide called “What’s Really Keeping You Stuck?” In it I help you decide if you are experiencing Midlife Misery and 5 things you need to know to overcome it.