How I Went From Regret to Forgiveness

My Regret

I have a problem. I avoid important things by keeping busy. Take for example my two week Christmas Holiday. We didn’t travel this year due to Covid so I had a 14 day open block of time. Christmas is the time of year when I love to feel the slow pace of a day and use it to read, ponder, write, develop my content calendar for the year, and just let things flow naturally each day. That’s what my heart wants. Instead, I do projects. It’s crazy. It's like a to-do list manifests in my head and it’s infused with Pinterest ideas that lead to an obsession to get things done. For example, in the past two weeks I’ve made new curtains, sewed a free hand needle point (saw on Tik Tok), bought wood and created a board and batten accent wall in our bedroom, created canvas artwork (Pinterest ideas), started 3 books, binged watched Bridgerton on Netflixs (twice.. don’t judge), and spent hours in the kitchen cooking amazing meals for my family thanks to my new Instapot. Ok yeah, so I got a lot done, but why do I feel I wasted so much time?

I’ve seen this pattern before. It happens to me often. I let myself get so busy that when the day is over I regret that I didn’t use more of my day to just be. Just being is important to me because it’s where I feel restored and renewed. If I keep pushing through more to-do items I get lost in the madness and the small moments of stillness and renewal get lost. 

A Coaching Moment

Here I am two weeks later and I am finally sitting down. I am in my office, it’s quiet and I am able to see through the fog. Ironically, if I put my coaching hat on I can hear myself ask, “If you had a do-over, who do you want to be so that you can be complete in the moment?”  

Wow, ok….I want to be intentional with each day. I want to start each day in meditation and visioning. I want to slow my days instead of rushing from one project to the next. I want to be present for myself. 

Forgiveness

As frustrated as I can get with myself I am grateful that I see these obsessive patterns and learn from them. Part of the Life Visioning Process I mentioned in The Keys to Rebuilding a Vision is recognizing what I must become in order to manifest the vision I want for my life. Part of becoming is seeing what needs to change and taking action to change it.  The lesson here is if I want to be present for myself and the personal growth I want in my life, I must practice presence. For me this means slowing down, making an intention each night before I sleep that I will start my day in meditation, that I will write/reflect, and simply allow myself the gift of sitting in silence. No list, no obsessing over ideas, meals, or things to do. Just quiet solitude.

I might not have a two week vacation ahead of me, but I have my whole life ahead of me. Today I will do better than yesterday. I will love myself for the woman I am and celebrate that today I made the intention to slow my ass down. I will sit here in silence, focusing on my breath, and being thankful. It is what I want to be complete in this moment. 

What if I asked you the same question? Who do you want to be so that you can be complete in this moment?  Does your heart know the answer? Are you willing to create the space in your life for it? If you can’t answer the question are you willing to explore it? Not gonna lie, it's hard work. Yet, you have the power to make it happen. Sometimes we just need to allow ourselves the freedom to make it happen.