How to Get Confidence with Failure

Nervous, heart pounding, I was ready. My topic was rehearsed and I was going live in 5-4-3-2…. “come on” I told myself. “All you need to do is press the button.” -- but I didn’t. I never went live. Fear of not doing it perfect paralyzed me. I chickened out. 

Struggling with confidence is a real thing for some of us, but what we’ll explore is how we can overcome our lack of confidence with our own failures. 

Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash

What’s the Real Problem?

Researchers say there are 5 things women do that result in lack of confidence.  

1. We self criticize

2. We overthink our situations

3. We second guess ourselves

4. We over personalize setbacks

5. We pursue perfection when perfection doesn’t exist. 

What I learned (after countless failures) is that this list describes actions not root causes. If we want to change our actions we need to uncover the belief that prompts these actions. So what belief do we hold that drives self criticism, overthinking, second guessing..etc?

It’s our fear of failure.  

In “The Confidence Code” the authors say “Women are afraid of failure. We hesitate and than we don’t try because we think we will fail.” It’s a crazy cycle that cripples us and puts us in a tailspin of inaction, frustration, and self loathing, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Failure will help us break the cycle.

“Confidence comes when we are willing to get out of our comfort zones and do hard things.”

— Confidence Code

How Can We Break the Cycle?

Failure is a key component to confidence. You might be thinking, “What the hell? I need to fail to get confidence? Yeah, no thanks.”  But wait. Hold up a sec. Just think about it. How can you gain confidence about anything unless you try at something? 

Ladies, we need to fail and be ok with failure. 

We need to see our failures as learning opportunities and know that each time we fail we learn either what worked or what to do better.

If we can change our beliefs about failure, our actions change and than our results change. 

A Change in Our Results

When we have a belief that embraces failure and understand it as part of a learning process this is how our actions change. 

1. We are filled with self love and acceptance

2. We follow our heart

3. We rely on our intuition and trust our instincts

4. We do it- learn it- and move on

5. We accept our mistakes as part of the process.   

6. We recognize our awesomeness

7. We keep at it. We don’t stop and we don’t give up. 

Again, not easy but doable. How good will it feel when we can celebrate these new results? Pretty damn good.  It’s time for us to embrace that failure, learn from it, and move on because on the other side of that fear is your unlimited potential. 

The Best Part

Conquer your fear, silence the inner critic, and feel the freedom of greater success in your life. Schedule a Free Discovery Session with me today and confidently take the step toward the life you want.